I’m not weak, I’m human

I wish I’d realised this when I was younger.

I had, like many others, grown up in a society that (and in parts, still does) stigmatised feelings, struggling and psychological pain.

“It’s all in your head mate.”

“What have you got to be depressed about?”

“Don’t be so wet.”

“Pull yourself together.”

“You just need to smile and think positively.”

The list goes on. Most of the times I opened up, these were the types of responses I got.

So I stopped trying. After all, they must be right otherwise so many people wouldn’t say it would they?

“I’m weak.”

“It’s not real. I’m just imagining it.”

“Positive thoughts will fix it.”

“I’m pathetic.”

That list goes on too.

It became a destructive mantra that nearly killed me.

I apologise to my younger self. I shouldn’t have listened but it was so hard not to when so many around me were saying it.

It’s the type of mantra that costs lives.

I very much doubt that there is a single person on the planet who has not required the help and support of another at some point in their lives. It is one of the many facets of being human.

So why, in Western society do we make it so difficult for people to get that support and help? Why do we brush away our pain and “just get one with it”, even when it is clear that it’s not working and making things worse?

It is not an attitude that is restricted to our psychological wellbeing either. Physical pain and illness are often treated the same way by society. We are brought up (and not just by our parents) to at least act like we are indestructible. It often makes me think of the Black Knight sketch from Monthy Python (for those of you not familiar with this, I’m sure there is a video online somewhere of it), where, no matter how badly injured the Black Knight is, his response is “Tis but a scratch”.

Here’s the thing:

We’re not indestructible.

We cannot “be strong” all of the time.

We cannot always “suck it up”.

We’re not being “cry babies” if we are upset.

Vacuum cleaners stop working if they are never emptied or poorly maintained. So do humans.

I can’t work out why we still think that being open about how we feel and what we need is the preserve of children. Once we reach adulthood, are we supposed to stop having feelings? Are we supposed to stop needing things?

Please, I implore you, if you feel any of the damaging phrases I’ve mentioned coming out of your mouth, please stop. If you cannot think of something to say, just listen. You’d be surprised how powerful and helpful just listening to someone who is struggling can be for that person. You may also benefit from it too.

WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART

BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM

INSTAGRAM @LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER

LINKEDIN:WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER/