When we lose someone we love there are many emotional, physical and spiritual responses that we may go through which may feel overwhelming. There is no blueprint or map for the intense feelings that are dealt to us by grief. There is no right or wrong, and no timescale. It is important to acknowledge that everyone’s experience is individual to them.

Grief impacts people in different ways. Some of the symptoms of grief include:

• Shock or numbness, it can also be described as being “in a daze”
• Dislocated from sense of self or how they normally are 
• Experiencing an overwhelming sadness, sometimes with uncontrollable crying 
• Feeling tired or exhausted 
• Feeling anger – either towards the person you lost or towards the reason for the loss 
• Feeling guilt – either about being angry, or about something you said or did not say, or about not being able to stop them dying
• Struggling with sleep 

These are all very natural responses. It can be difficult to understand how to traverse through them and return to a “normal life” after death. 

It can be helpful to talk to friends and family during this time. We can confide in our friends, family and loved ones in the shared experience about what has happened. However, sometimes you might not feel you can talk to them. It may also be overwhelming when you are all experiencing grief at the same time and it actually intensifies your feelings. It might feel easier or better to share difficult feelings with someone you don’t know. An outside perspective can provide a vessel to guide you through the initial bereavement phase and navigate the difficult emotions that come with it.

To escape the echo chamber of grief, the answer could be bereavement counselling.

This is often a different experience than standard counselling or talk therapy. A grief specialist can meet with you either in person or via phone or video call, to help you to understand what you are going through and develop some coping strategies. The support and guidance provided can help you to understand and process the emotions that you may be feeling. 

Bereavement counselling can provide a safe, confidential space to explore and make sense of your emotions. You may want to talk to them about the person you lost, how it is affecting you, and/or how you are coping. Once these conversations are opened in a non-judgmental setting, it may help you to adapt to the “new reality” without the person you have lost. 

As I have said above, grief is not a one-size fits all and bereavement counselling may not always be the answer. Some other helpful things to make sense of your feelings may be:

• Reading about grief on charity pages or self-help books 
• Joining a support group, either locally or online to share experiences with others  
• Engaging in a new hobby or activity such as art therapy, or gardening  

Bereavement counselling can help you to normalise what you are feeling in the wake of loss. Feelings of loss are a natural part of the love and care of another person. It is an acceptance that grief is proof of love.

Written by Katie Ingram

Blogger @Poemstellium

Instagram: @katieingramauthor