OCD, three of the most overused letters placed together to create an acronym that most people couldn’t actually tell you what the letters stand for, let alone understand the horrors of the experiences someone with OCD goes through. As someone with a diagnosis of OCD hearing someone use this phrase as casually as saying your please and thank you’s can make me feel frustratingly angry. It’s tiring to have to explain to people what true OCD is and what compulsions actually look like. This is the reason for me writing this. Now please bare in mind this is only one perspective. It’s my story, every OCD sufferer has a different one to tell but I’m going to do my best to create a clear basic understanding of this disorder for the outside world to get to grips with.

So what is OCD? The definition of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as written on the NHS website is as follows. “Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition where a person has obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours”, with it going on to say the following,” An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters your mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease. A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that you feel you need to do to temporarily relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought. “ Having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can “significantly interfere with your life” and it’s recommended that “If you keep getting these thoughts and they have an effect on your daily life, speak to your GP or health visitor”

In my own experience, OCD doesn’t just interfere with your life, it has the ability to cripple it. It’s a vicious circle that even with the professional help I received through the NHS ,I have to work at continually to manage the ebbs and flows, but through that therapy I have the tools to do so.

So here is a snippet into my world. A false assumption of OCD is that sufferers have something to do with cleaning, or liking items in a specific place or order. Wrong, the symptoms of OCD are way more complicated than that. I get new symptoms and compulsions to fit my thoughts all the time. I am in no way a cleaning master. I am a little chaotic if I’m honest. I’m almost hoarding territory, always keeping receipts “just in case” and I like my bed side draws messy as I know where everything is in the chaos (I then freak out when things are moved). My main and consistent behaviour is my checking. I could go into real depth about why I developed OCD but for the purposes of this article, I’m going to keep it simple. It’s all about gaining control of what I lost. For example, My car in 2018 was attempted to be broken into, by chance looking out the window I actually caught the perpetrators in the act. This then caused me to have the belief that if I don’t keep checking on my car every day and night then It would get broken into or stolen. In my mind I interrupted the thieves and stopped them stealing my car and therefore this is a behaviour I need to continue and repeat. Checking gives me a sense of temporary release of the anxiety and gives me a sense of control over events. There are so many other compulsive behaviours I have once indulged in or continue to take part in such as: checking the front door and windows are locked by pushing and pulling the handle 3 times, rubbing light switches, having this fear that leaving a switch on with nothing plugged in will cause my flat to explode. Then I will go back to check the doors again because my mind has placed doubt on whether it was really locked or shut when I checked it a minute ago. The anxiety to complete these behaviours can happen in sequence or at the same time. Sometimes if I am in the company of others and I desperately want to check a door or turn off a switch, I will instead tap my finger in sets of 3’s, or clear my throat three times, all as a way of gaining some control since I feel I cannot do the thing I’d really like to do out of embarrassment. See how complicated it is? However I hope this may give you an idea of how OCD doesn’t just interfere with everyday life, it revolves around it.

OCD is a life changing condition that can be exhausting to cope with. I’m not going to sugar coat it, the recovery from OCD is a lifelong commitment. However it’s a journey that is well worth doing in order to have a better quality of life not just for yourself but for those who you hold dear. Thanks to organisations and charities, there are support groups out there for those who are struggling even after therapy, there are things in place far more advanced than just being prescribed anxiety medication.

I’ll leave this article on this note: Be open to learning more about mental health, I recommend for everyone to complete their own research into mental disabilities and disorders, read or listen to stories of those living with conditions, try to see life from their perspective because other’s experiences can be a lot worse than mine. Look around, just imagine there may be someone near you who is secretly going through a difficult time whether they have a diagnosed mental health condition or not and are too scared or proud to admit their struggles. Remember to look after yourselves but also each other.

If you are a fellow sufferer reading this, I hope this serves as a light for you, to show recovery is possible and you are reminded that you should not be ashamed or alone in this.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/overview

Written By Megan Layley

Guest Writer @Poemstellium

Instagram @meglayley