Trigger Warning – this entry talks about eating disorders and mentions suicide.
“All you need to do is eat.”
I’ve had it said to me plenty of times, and I have heard it said to others with eating disorders. I don’t know how many times I have to say this but:
FOOD IS NOT THE PROBLEM OR THE COMPLETE SOLUTION!
A radical statement, I know, but it is the truth. I know this from personal experience and speaking to others and those who support them.
It is also not a given that the sufferer wants to lose weight, look good or fit in. Like most disorders, there are many reasons why they occur and differences in how they manifest themselves.
For over a decade, I suffered from an eating disorder. I hated myself in a way that even now is hard to describe. The nearest I can come to describing it is absolute self-revulsion. Not eating was a form of punishment for my mere existence. It wasn’t about improving my looks or fitting in with my peers; it was about dying. Of course, I could have killed myself more directly, but the punishment part was essential. How dare I live!
My disorder went unnoticed for some time by those around me. Being small and relatively slight anyway made the weight loss less noticeable. However, when it was noticed, or I reached out, most of them didn’t know what to do. I was, on one occasion, made to eat in front of the whole class. You’ll not be surprised to know that this did not help one bit. It just made me feel even more repulsive.
Thankfully, I found the right people to reach out to, and I started the long road to understanding what was happening behind my eating disorder. Though I still sometimes have issues around this, especially in times of excessive stress, I can recognise it early and manage what is prompting it.
I firmly believe that there needs to be more education regarding eating disorders and their complexity. People need to understand this issue so they can not only recognise them in themselves but also support others. We are making progress as a society regarding mental health in general, and I hope this will expand into topics such as this. The blanket approach serves no one.
Written By Lorna Smart
Blogger @Poemstellium
Instagram @lornasmartwordcrafter
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