When someone falls on hard times, it is ok to give words of encouragement. However, when does a positive attitude become toxic and unhelpful?  

Telling someone going through hardship to ‘just stay positive’, or to ‘look on the bright side’ might be well meaning and sympathetic in intention, but these types of comments can actually negatively impact someone. It can result in shutting down another’s experience of their situation and, in turn, may cause them to disengage.  

Toxic Positivity  

Toxic positivity is an excessive and unrealistic pressure to be positive or maintain a positive attitude, even when experiencing emotional or physical pain. This insistence on being positive can encourage people to suppress negative emotions. There is no acknowledgement of the negative feelings or emotions. This encourages avoidance and can invalidate the experiences.  

Dismissing another person’s negative emotions. 

Navigating painful emotions can be difficult. If the conditions of someone’s current situation are not considered, these types of comments can make people’s experiences feel worse.  

Others can be made to feel ashamed, which risks feelings of being judged and potentially pulling away. It can make people believe they are a burden to others and feel that they are being ignored or unheard. This can lead to isolation and loneliness as they feel unable to reach out for support.  

Toxic positivity can also be seen as internalisation of feelings. It can be a coping strategy of blocking our own negative feelings and emotions. This can make you feel that you are coping and not fazed by negative situations around you. However, if feelings are dismissed, they can come back later at full force.   

Helpful Optimism 

A counter to toxic positivity is helpful optimism. This is a mindset of acceptance of the current situation and associated emotions. This can look like acknowledging that things may be tough right now, but are hopeful for change, and that things won’t always be this way. This method acknowledges the challenges experienced, but also that it is temporary. This encourages pragmatic problem solving too.  

Empathy is the way to approach these types of situations. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person’s perspective, the ability to grasp their feelings, thoughts, and views. It is important to try not to offer solutions but to offer helpful support, such as ‘that sounds difficult’, or asking ‘how can I help?’ These conversations can build trust and lead to better management of difficult emotions, improved health, and resilience.  

It is important to remember that everyone’s experiences in difficult situations are different, and the most helpful way to approach these is with compassion and not judgment.  


Written by Katie Ingram

Blogger @Poemstellium

Instagram: @katieingramauthor