It amazes me, given all the media coverage of people struggling all over the globe that there is still a lot of pressure here in the UK on people to plaster a smile on their faces because it is the run up to Christmas.  

Pain and struggling doesn’t stop depending on the time of year. It doesn’t have a calendar or bow to social expectation. Nor should you if the prescribed joviality, parties, and buying presents only brings you more stress and pain. You should also not be made to feel that you need to hide how you are feeling so you don’t ruin other people’s enjoyment of the festive season. From bitter experience I have learned just how much worse doing that can make things, not just for you but also for those that you care about and who care about you.   

It is easier said than done of course when everyone around you seem to be happy and enjoying themselves. I can guarantee you that there is a fair amount of those happy faces, cheer and laughter is coming from others who are hiding how they are really feeling. You are also not alone in feeling that way at this time of year. You don’t have to put a mask on for others. Your feelings and needs are as valid as everyone else’s. Self care isn’t selfish and no one should make you feel bad for looking after yourself. 

So, how do those who struggle at this time of year survive? It will differ from person to person but here are a few things I do to help myself get through it. 

1. I make it clear that Christmas is not a great time for me. I don’t explain why unless it becomes necessary. 

2. I stay out of as many shops as I can, especially in December. 

3. If I am making cards or buying presents, I get these done usually by the end of October then it is out of the way. 

4. I mute Christmas ads and the charity adds that try to use Christmas to guilt trip people. I change channels if shows start projecting the”You must be happy because it is coming up to Christmas, no matter how you feel.” message. If I am feeling very raw then I turn the TV off. 

5. When I feel myself slipping, I remind myself that Christmas is not mandatory. I also remind myself that my feelings are valid. 

6. I reach out to others if I need to, be that loved ones or organisations. 

It is not a crime to give Christmas a wide berth or to interact with it as much as you feel you can. Please don’t let others make you feel worse by trying to force you to hide your feelings or participate when it will only make you feel worse. If you’re struggling there’s no shame in needed help and support. You are not alone. 

I may never meet you, but I walk beside you. 

WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART

BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM