My Mind Tells Me I Lie 

By Aisleen Sturrock

My mind is not my own
of that, I’m well aware.
When it takes control,
I know I am no longer there.
These murders,
these crimes,
these unspeakable acts
no one else can see
except me. 

My mind is not my own
that much is clear to me.
I hold a knife and wonder
if I will ever be free.
The guilt,
the sins,
that never were mine
echo in my thoughts,
as if by dark design.

My mind is not my own
but when will it be?
How can I explain
what’s taking over me?
No one believes me
when I say I am safe.

Yet I am scared,
I am trembling,
trapped within this place.
I do not wish to die,
I whisper in my mind.
I do not wish to die, but my mind tells me I lie.

Aisleen Sturrock Biography 
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My name is Aisleen Sturrock, and I live in Aberystwyth, Wales. I moved here in 2018 to study English Literature and Language at university, and I soon found myself caught in the Aberystwyth trap- I never left. I’ve recently returned to pursue a PhD in Creative Writing, where I am researching OCD.

I have loved writing from an early age, with a particular interest in the horror genre and its ability to provoke fear. I’m not sure if this stems from a kind of exposure therapy for my OCD, but I am drawn to how horror can hold a mirror up to reality. The same way OCD attaches itself to social discourse, so does the horror genre. 

My other work has appeared in the short story collection The Hollow Man, published by Madness Heart Press, which explores the story of a man living with PTSD and confronting childhood trauma. I’m still relatively new to submitting my work for publication, but I’m eager to expand my portfolio and continue building a solid foundation as a writer.