Psychological self-sabotage is when your thoughts and feelings work against you. It’s not, as some people believe, about being lazy. It is often a form of distorted self-protection and can present itself in many ways.

Below are a few of the ways it has presented in me:

The “I’m not good enough” voice.

Why start something that I am only going to screw up?

Perfectionism

I am not finished and cannot possibly share something until it is perfect (which is never going to happen. Perfection is unattainable)

Pulling away from people so they can’t hurt me

If I don’t have anyone to care about, then I can’t get hurt.

The downside is that this only causes more mental distress due to isolating myself and not having anyone to reach out to.

Not trusting anything good that happens

I tend to phrase this as ” one is waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I cannot trust that anything good happening in my life will last long. New friends are going to find out I am a worthless piece of crap, a new job is going to go to hell, and I’ll only screw it up somewhere down the line.

What causes psychological self-sabotage?

The reasons why people self-sabotage are as varied as the ways they do it.

Below are some of the causes I’ve identified that were causing me to self-sabotage:

Beliefs created as a result of repeated painful/ traumatic experiences

To avoid dealing with pain and its manifestations.

Assuming the worst for no logical reason in order to protect myself from future pain

What may help?

Recognise when your mind is trying to self-sabotage you. This is easier said than done, but once you can, it will be very useful in helping you not fall into a self-sabotage spiral.

Identify what you are actually feeling. Are you anxious? Do you feel like you are weak?

Question why you feel that way. Is there any evidence that you are weak? What is making you anxious?

Sit with it for a while. In my experience, trying to ignore it only makes it worse. It tends to fade if you give it some space.

Sometimes, self-sabotage is only something that happens in certain circumstances, but it can also be something that invades every aspect of your life, drastically reducing your quality of life and ability to function on a day-to-day basis.

Please do reach out for help, guidance and support if you need it. Despite what you may hear or read, needing help does not make you weak. Everyone in all walks of life needs help at some point. This may just be from a friend, relative, or a professional, be it an organisation, a GP or a therapist. We are not meant to go through life as an island. 

You are not alone. I may never meet you, but I walk beside you.

Written by Lorna Smart

Blogger @PoemStellium

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A Note from Poem Stellium

This piece marks Lorna Smart’s final blog as part of the Poem Stellium team.

Lorna has been part of Poem Stellium since 2021, sharing her writing and experiences with honesty, openness and a genuine commitment to raising awareness around mental health. She later became our Blogger Team Leader, supporting and encouraging other writers within the team while continuing to share her own voice with our readers.

As Lorna moves on to her next chapter, we want to thank her for the time, care and dedication she has given to Poem Stellium over the years. We are incredibly grateful to have had her as part of our journey, and her writing will remain here as part of the work and community she helped to build.

Thank you for everything, Lorna. We wish you nothing but the very best for whatever comes next.

— Poem Stellium