I don’t like remembering the house of horrors, I was there 26 years, and it broke me big time. At 16 my head could no longer take it, my health issues started and I’m still dealing with the damage. It ruined my mental health, and I was gifted a lot of mental health weaknesses. I’ve got the tired bug & dizzy bug.

Unfortunately, I can’t do a lot of things like other people my age, I can’t hop on the train or use multiple buses with ease. I don’t go Central London or the next area because I get overwhelming scary dizzy spells aka panic attacks. I’m here to say that abusers commit murder daily, they dismantle your head and can damage your mind permanently, so your left with everlasting damage. Some of us never fully recover and we can’t hold down a job or study, even doing essential tasks is a struggle.

Anxiety, tiredness, head fog, concentration problems and insomnia are a tough reality. Daily showers and regular cooking are a far cry.

Abuse ruins minds, it ruins lives. Abuse should be criminalised, there should be a penalty for destroying someone’s life and not allowing them to have a childhood.

No, I don’t live in the past, but I must accept that the past has affected my mental health severely. I know where my health issues/weaknesses in my head/tired bug/dizzy bug/insomnia/anxiety etc. came from. And how my life turned upside down at 16 years of age because my head couldn’t take the chaos, pain, suffering, sadness, panic anymore. I didn’t have an easy ride, since day one. I landed in this world, I was met with cruelty, I opened my eyes to it, and it eventually broke me down.

Abuse ruins minds & bodies. It ruins lives too. You can’t function well as an adult, many of us are suffering globally because we were born at the wrong house, and we had someone break us down when we should’ve been given love, care and support but instead we were given pain and suffering.

I’m against child abuse because it can damage you for life. It’s despicable, it’s wrong and the flashbacks are awful. You never get rid of the emotional scars, they stay with you forever, etched permanently in your mind. But when it affects your health, that’s the big concern because it limits what you can do and there’s no enjoying life because exhaustion and head fog is a big issue, it slows you down. In your 20s, you feel like your 50.

I live to tell the tale.

Written by Riffat Jamshad

Guest Writer @Poemstellium